Posted by: emjb | April 26, 2007

Barbie Makeover! Barbie Makeover!

Maybe it’s the fact that living with two males in a small space was starting to make me feel outnumbered. Maybe it was nostalgia. Maybe it was because she was only $6.00 and I had some time to kill at the CVS.

But however it happened, let’s all welcome my co-blogger, City Style(tm) Barbie!


OMG, ya’ll! Hi!

Listen, I just wanted to talk about some of my problems. I mean, besides having to compete with those Bratz bitches.

First, there’s my hair. I’ve got that weird pulled-back bangs thing happening, and it was put on me at the factory, so now I have permanent hair-dent.


Yuck, right? Plus I have this weird spiky haircut thing, that is all Jennifer Aniston circa 2003, and whatever…how are little girls supposed to make me a princess or whatever with this hair? You can’t even comb it.

Speaking of dated…my halter top’s ok, but these pants are fugly.

I mean, when MY tiny vinyl calfs look chunky in them, why would any real woman wear these? Ick.

And this came as a shock to emjaybee, because she’s old, and apparently, her Barbies that she played with in 1928 and were probably made out of wood or something did NOT have underwear growing out of their skin:


Maybe this is some kind of sex thing…I mean, it’s not like those old wooden Barbies had lady parts, but apparently that was still too racy for people who WORRY about DOLL GENITALS, and you know, ok guys. Whatev, I’ll wear your stupid skinderwear. But I’d probably like it not to peek out of my clothes, cause gross.

And then, there’s the worst, my SHOES. Oh my GOD ya’ll…I mean, WTF?


I mean, I have built-in high heel-shaped FEET, and they STILL won’t stay on. Even fetish pumps come with STRAPS, moron Barbie-dressers!

So yeah. She’s going to have to buy me some new clothes, and maybe cut my hair. Because it’s no fun to have a lame Barbie decorating your computer monitor. She says, send in your suggestions and she’ll make me over and take pictures.

And if nobody cares enough to make suggestions..she’ll make me over however she wants. But you know, her fashion sense is like, lesbian-circa-1992*, so I’d really APPRECIATE ya’ll helping her out and all.

K’ thanksbye!

*Not that there’s anything wrong with that!–Ed.


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