Posted by: emjb | November 14, 2006

One Year

Hello baby.

nw

Except, you’re not such a baby anymore.

I hardly know where to start with this entry, because it means so much, and yet, our life together is so calm most of the time. Wake and nap and drink some milk; try some new foods, reject the rest. Get your diaper changed. Laugh when Mama balances toys on her head, or holds you upside down. Laugh when Daddy billows a sheet over you both and plays hide and seek. Sing wordlessly, or in a “bblbblbbbl” that sounds like motorboat. Cry when you’re tired, or mad, or bump your head, or for some reason that no one knows but you. Hold your board books in your lap and turn the pages, serious and frowning as if Snuggle Puppy were the subject of your upcoming thesis. Struggle with sippy cups and shoes and standing unsupported. Refuse to give up your bottle. Splash in the bathtub as if you were a slippery shiny naked fish. Sleep with your foot propped up on the crib rails, toes curled like a monkey on a tree branch.

nw

Such little things. Not enough to build an epic blog post around, a poetic entry capturing the essence of your first year.

A year ago today, I began two journeys; one with you, and one completely alone. One happy and one dark. So I didn’t know if writing this post would be a hard thing for me, if I’d be able to talk about you without seeing everything through my own memory of pain. But you don’t know anything about that, and that helps me to see you only as yourself, however you arrived in this world. And I have healed much of that pain by letting it change me where I needed to be changed (and by resisting everywhere else), and that helps too.

nw

Your Grandew has promised to send me your birthday pictures, the ones with the cake-smeared smile that every baby has to have on record. As soon as I get them I’ll put them up here. I’m sorry your parents were too poor to have a camera and record as much of your life as they could have been, but we’ve managed pretty well. And when you’re tall and grown, your happy baby face will always be there, just under the surface, for me to see, whether I managed to get enough pictures of it or not.

Hello, little boy. Hello, hello. I’m so glad we’re here together.

nw

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Responses

  1. sniffle

    happy birthday, little man. 😀

  2. Happy birthday, Nate, the big little man!


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