Posted by: emjb | November 13, 2006

An awful, horrible, no good, hey, pretty good, hey WOW, guilt-inducing but then ok day

First: The NaBloPoMo Randomizer. Randomly takes you to NaBloPoMo-participating blogs. An awesome and beautiful thing.

Our day started out bad. Bad bad bad. Overdrawn on your bank account bad. Daycare don’t take credit cards bad. Have to borrow money from your inlaws till Friday bad. Bad bad bad.

Then it leveled off a little into merely annoying. Had to clean up a co-worker’s messy-ass Quark layout. He has a DEGREE in graphics, is getting PAID to be a graphic artist, undoubtedly more than I am being paid to be an assistant. I have never gone to school for design. Yet unlike me, he doesn’t seem to understand the basic principles of layout. Such as: Don’t make your margins vary wildly from page to page. Don’t let graphics overlap and block your text. Don’t kern your text in to -13, fer cryin’ out loud. OR IT WILL LOOK LIKE CRAP. I mean, he doesn’t seem to know how to insert tabs in a bulleted list, or use guides, or basically, do anything at all other than put Nintendo gaming rings on his cell phone. I wanted to call up his college and get his degree revoked.

So what should have been a 10 minute revision became a 45 minute cleanup job. Idiot! I muttered under my breath. After the morning I’d had, I was full of hate for the world. Hate hate hate.

Finally I had a few free minutes and left a voicemail with Potential Job’s HR Guy, to say “Um…hi? Still needing job? Have we, you know, made a decision?” I was fairly convinced I would either be required to come in at 1pm on a Wednesday to take the Schtuckerman-Porridger Personality and Editing Test in their special underground facility, or be told “sorry, we found this other guy over here who wears great shirts.”

Instead, HR guy calls back and says “We’ll be emailing you an offer with details about benefits, or we can Fedex it to you tomorrow, and you can decide if it’s acceptable.”

Whu? I know not these sophisticated ways of getting jobs! At best, I expected a surly, “Yeah, Bob said it’s good. Show up at 8 on Monday, bring your Social Security card, don’t ask me about benefits, because I only work in HR and they outsourced all those last year. Do you want the job or not?”

So still not daring to be hopeful, I assured them that email would be fine! Because if I had to wait till tomorrow, I would go insane! Thank you very much! All had to be said in the most oblique of ways, because my boss was SITTING RIGHT THERE. Not that distance matters; in that building, you are frequently startled by the richochet of the secretary’s sneeze downstairs, or the endless trilling of everyone’s cell phones, or the heavy breathing of the guy in Section D-12. It is not a private-conversation kinda place.

So after emailing Matt, and frantically, secretly, checking my email all day, I finally get the offer. And it’s very close to what I asked. AND my benefits do NOT have to wait 90 days to kick in, they start the week after I begin. And OH MY GOD I WILL BE MANAGING OTHER PEOPLE. And there we are. I give all the credit to the 80-dollar suit I bought at Lane Bryant, and to my ability to not sweat profusely until my interviews are over.

The cruel thing of course is that although we will SOON have money, we have none now. Not a farthing till payday. And not a lot more till my new Mad Cash kicks in. So after dinner we celebrated the way only poor unsophisticated types can; a cheap bottle of leftover wine and Blue Bell ice cream.

But, you say, I don’t care about your stupid job. What about Nathan’s first day of school??

Well, I can’t rightly say. He apparently did cry a lot. And his little right shoe (but not the left one?) doesn’t seem to stay on properly. I can’t be sure he ate very much; the menu said “spaghetti and meat balls”, and considering that he has so far rejected all meats and pasta, seems like it wouldn’t have been much of a lunch. He was, in fact, crying when we got there, though apparently because the little girl he was playing with had started crying. It was all very bewildering for all of us. I really wish there was a webcam there, so I could at least see what he was doing all day. But it’s not that fancy a daycare.

He’s only there half a day tomorrow, but that’s because he’s going to the dr, and may get a shot. So basically this is his Suckiest Week Ever, and I have to deal with the guilt. It won’t scar him for life, but it will probably make me feel guilty on my deathbed.

Still, once he got home, ate dinner, had a bath, and some hugs, he wasn’t holding any grudges, and didn’t seem scared or traumatized. He even added “Mamamamama” to the “Dadadadada”s he says, and melted me right down to the ground.

I still think it’s for the best, and that he’ll adjust. I just hope I survive that long.



  1. WOO!! i am so excited about your new job! seriously. 😀

    and also, your nathan is, as always, adorable. 😉

  2. Hey, congrats! Let the days of hooker and blow begin! Or at least blow. Or maybe just nice socks. Seriously, I’m happy for you. And for Nate, my mate, give him a big hug for me. He’s a brave little man.

  3. Go MJ go MJ go MJ go!!! Is this the position you told me about with curriculum and computers for underserved communities??? I am so HAPPY for you!!!!

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