Posted by: emjb | June 14, 2006

We regret to inform you that we don’t want to hire you. Also, you should do something about that ass.

I got three job rejections via email today. What is this, National Sorry, We Don’t Want to Hire Your Ass Day? Because if I’d known, I’d have gone out and gotten some beer to take the sting out.

Actually, I can’t buy beer now, for the next little while. I’m South Beaching. It’s not strict South Beach, because frankly, I can’t afford the recipes for grilled salmon every week. Dude, I just got rejected from three jobs! Canned tuna is doing good for me! Most of my household accesories come from the dollar store! So I kind of combined Atkins (which has worked for me before) with the SB, since at the beginning, they both tell you just quit the carbs, Fatty. Atkins, however, allows you to eat pork-rind nachos, as they have no carbs but still give you that junk-food, shameful-pleasure feeling that we all want and need.

I’m still processing purchase orders for Very Large Multinational, and it remains the sort of job you have a hard time believing anyone could do for long without losing their minds. Like being on an assembly line. How do people stand it? The most notable thing about this job is how much thought and effort have gone into creating an incredibly sophisticated, powerful computer program to handle purchasing and receiving, and how that has not in any way reduced the number of man-hours needed to process that paperwork. It might have increased it. In the old days, I imagine, purchase orders had to be interofficed in and were checked and signed off on by hand, then sent to corporate. Now they’re faxed in, put into the computer by a human being, who then checks and signs them off by hand, and emailed back to corporate. Nor is there any less paper; the POs still have to be printed out and end up in a filing cabinet, and then in a dusty storage room somewhere.

Somebody spent hours of their lives putting that software together, and then made some serious cash selling it to our company and a bunch of others. And in the end, it didn’t really reduce the workload, or the workforce, at all. Even the stupidest, most mind-numbing jobs still require a human brain. Which is a pity, because that means there will always be some poor soul having to do this for a living while their life slips by ala Joe vs. the Volcano.

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