Posted by: emjb | May 11, 2006

It’s so funny I could plotz

Have you had one of those weeks where it was just bad news + slap in the face + bad news + depression etc. etc. until it all got so bad that you started giggling hysterically and entirely inappropriately? Because it was just getting fucking ridiculous, the way the universe/blind chance/insert your god-concept here kept piling on the crap?

Yeah. This is one of those. I’ve gone right past depressive to manic. (cue insane cackling). Matt came home tonight to tell me that oh, by the way, the place we were going to move to at the end of the month fell through, and so I’ve got to get a real job, any real job, pronto so we can get our own place. Because my mom’s kicking us out…did I mention that? Yeah! To the curb, baby! Her original offer was “as long as it takes” which actually meant “four months, tops.” And our other family members who had said “yeah, stay with us, don’t take the crap job,” suddenly Changed Their Minds, too late for me to take the crap job I was just offered. Ah, family. Unconditional love, and a boot to the ass.

And anyway, on receiving this latest piece of news, something snapped, (not, hopefully, my brain) because all day I’d been thinking “this is so bad it’s ridiculous.” And now we’re officially into Ridiculously Bad.

Oh, is that another boot to my ass? There’s so many there already, I hardly noticed!

You know, whatever. I’ll go get the crap job, then, having done my level best to avoid it. I’ll live. I’ll find something better and quit the crap job and move on. It’s not how I wanted it to go, not the ideal path by any means. I pretty much hate it. But I have spent so much time being angry and sad and confused the past five months that it’s almost anticlimactic for this to happen.

Maybe I’m just reacting this way because madness is preferable to throwing oneself off the overpass. Or because Matt’s beside himself with anger, and two of us frothing at the mouth is no good at all. I don’t care, about any of it. Tomorrow, I start applying for crap jobs, and once I get one, at least I can go get my own apartment again. I’m using that as my calming mechanism; close your eyes and think of getting all your books and cd’s unpacked finally.

Ah. That’s better. Cackle.


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