Posted by: emjb | November 30, 2005

What I did in the last 36 hours

(warning; some graphic bodily function descriptions follow).

OK, ya’ll enough. ENOUGH for Christ’s sake.

What did I do yesterday morning? I woke up and started hemorrhaging blood. Yep. Stumbled to the bathroom, hollered for my mom because I was bleeding so fast, then lay down on the rug with a towel between my legs, passing in and out of consciousness while she called me an ambulance. Thinking in a vague fuzzy way, I don’t want to die like this. This is a crappy way to die. Godammit. At one point I had Mom bring me my cell phone so I could call Matt and tell him that I was going to the hospital; poor guy.

The ambulance got there, though they went to the wrong house and Mom had to go flag them down. They loaded me on the gurney and poked me full of needles, though I passed out a few times on the way when my blood pressure crashed.The bleeding slowed down a bit because I was flat on my back. They were nice, kept me talking to try and keep me awake. I impressed myself with my ability to recite my Social, my phone, my address, my husband’s phone, and my birthdate.

I lay in the ER room for a while while they monitored me, completely freaked out, but glad not to be dead. Not sure I was in the clear, though. My brother and his wife came, then my inlaws, god bless them all. There were a few times when I was alone, waiting for the test results, and I talked to God, who I may or may not believe in. I told him/her/whatever I was sick of this crap, that I did not want to die, thank you, and could we please find out what the fuck was wrong with me before they sent me home, and get it fixed. Oh, and it would be nice if my insurance company didn’t crush me and my family with bills after this little out of network hospital jaunt.

I was examined and sonogrammed…nothing, just a lot of blood. At first they tried to send me home, but then Bill the nurse, my guardian angel, talked them into taking my blood pressure when I sat or stood; sure enough it went kerplat if I wasn’t lying down. Thanks to him, I got a bed and observation for the night.

Eventually I saw an OB/GYN, who said he wasn’t sure what happened, but maybe I’d retained some tissue after my delivery (although this is very rare in c-sections, but the way they ran me through the system at NY Methodist, not surprising to me) but that it had already flushed itself out. Of course, usually this doesn’t wait two weeks postpartum to show up, either. But hey, it’s par for this birth.

So I spent a night in the very nice, private room in the women’s ward of this hospital, and the treatment was superb. The nurses were all soft-spoken motherly types, who brought me whatever I needed and checked on me and cleaned me up when I needed it. Wish I’d given birth there, dammit. Stupid NY Methodist.

It’s a 7th Day Adventist hospital, and at first I was a little worried about all the Jesus themed artwork (Jesus watching over surgeons; Jesus blessing a mom nursing her child; etc.). But they weren’t pushy. A nice chaplain came by to pray for me this morning, and I said, what the hell. Well I didn’t say that, but I didn’t stop him. It made him feel better and it didn’t hurt me any.

After a full night of sleep and most of a day resting, about 11 am, it was like a switch flipped; suddenly, I felt normal, in a way I haven’t felt since before Nathan was born. It’s hard to describe; basically, I really had had no idea how bad I was feeling. Until it was gone. The bleeding had slowed to just a regular period level, and the nice OB/GYN came by, agreed to let me go home, and prescribed me some birth control pills to get all back in order. And I felt great; got up, had a shower, got dressed, hopped in the car, strolled into CVS and got my prescription filled. Came home, fed the baby who seemed glad to see me, and sat down to write this. You’d never know I went through what I did yesterday.

I hope this feeling lasts; it feels like it will. It feels like I’m me. Maybe it was the sickness, not PPD or birth recovery, making things so bad for me. I’m not feeling panicky tonight at all. Maybe the bigger fear that I was going to die pushed it away, I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m just so grateful to be alive, and to feel better.

But if I have anything to say about it, Nathan will probably be an only child, unless we adopt. I can’t imagine working up the courage to run this gauntlet again.



  1. I’m so sorry you had such a scary experience on top of everything else, but delighted that you sound like you’re feeling so much better. Nathan is a beautiful baby – I hope now you can relax and enjoy him as much as you both deserve.

  2. emjay, i’ve been lurking here for a few weeks now (i think, i lose track of time easily), and while i haven’t been too sure about what to say to you while you have been going through such crushing emotional pain, i do think about you often.

    i’m very glad to hear that you and your body are feeling much much better now – and we can all hope that what has been blackly lingering in your mental state was mostly that sickness.

    i offer you a virtual hug, if that sort of thing doesn’t give you the willies. 😉

  3. Dang honey….when it rains it pours as the saying goes. I am glad this hospital treated you 1000 times better then the crap hole in NY.

    I hope the brief hospital stay did you some good (rest wise). I want to say I have been reading your posts since Nathans birth. I totally relate to you with the breastfeeding and not wanting to worry about when you have to do it next and how it will all work out. I know you wanted to breastfeed. But don’t beat yourself up over not being able to. Nathan will love you and you will bond with him regardless of how you feed him.

    Just relax as much as possible and enjoy the little one. You deserve it.

  4. I am so glad to hear you are feeling better!! And I am so happy that your level of care was MUCH better. *hugs* to you sweetpea:) It will get better:)

  5. Ya’ll are wonderful, and virtual hugs don’t freak me out! Hell, I take whatever I can get these days…..

    I really am ready to just move on to posts about Nathan being cute and regular life stuff! No more drama….

  6. I am so glad you’re back to YOU! Now bring on the baby pictures! 🙂

  7. Oh my, what a scary experience! I’m glad that you are feeling better and that this hospital visit was much better (although that seems like the wrong word) than the last time.


  8. I’ll give you hugs. (Stupid hugs.) And real ones when you get back from that stupid hat-wearing, cow-having, Republican-loving state I used to call home. 🙂

    I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better and sort of freaked out at the complete story of what sent you to the hospital. Matt never knows how much to tell me. But you’re better, and … hooray!

    Glad Nephew Nate is feeling fine. I must admit it’s been nice having the bachelor pad all to ourselves, but I miss him already. Give him a toe-tug for me.

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