Posted by: emjb | November 21, 2005

Middle of the night

The baby is sleeping, but I can’t just yet. I did finally read all your comments on my post; I think I have to agree with DoctorMama that I can’t sue them since nothing they did was technically illegal, just immoral.

And I wanted to say, that it wasn’t so much that I had a c-section that upsets me. That’s always a possibility after all, and I don’t feel any shame about it. It was the way things were done that made it bad. Though I do have the normal grief any natural-childbirth believer would have in that situation. It’s hard to let go of the birth I wanted, even without all the other stuff.

Typing this makes me feel better for some reason. Maybe it’s just the feeling that there is still a world outside my apartment. I have to get outside tomorrow no matter what; I haven’t left the house in 4 days and it’s really not helping me.

I am pumping milk like a champ, which is good because Nathan seems to have a grudge against my right breast for some reason and will fight using it. And my left one can only take so much. Still I have to wonder, how am I going to do this for the next 12 months? I want to, but damn. Finally I told myself, just commit to the next month, and at the end, see how you’re doing. If it’s just too much, you can quit, and you’ll have gotten a month’s worth of good stuff into him. Hopefully it will be smoother enough that I won’t want to quit.

I have yet to even buy a nursing bra because I had no idea what size I’d need; in my present daze, just going shopping seems like climbing Mt. Everest, so I’m putting that off for now.

I wanted to give a shout out to our roommate Deanpence, by the way, who makes an excellent adopted uncle for Nathan and who bought us a Snugli, though I don’t just like him because he buys us things. Having him around has helped Matt and me quite a bit.



  1. glad to hear you’re doing better today. and getting out of the house will definitely help your state of mind!

    nursing (usually) gets easier after those first few weeks. once they don’t need to nurse so often, suddenly the day becomes less about milk and burping and constantly pulling your boobs out, and more about your relationship with your little guy. 🙂

  2. Hey sweetpea! This is Yeffie from MWT–
    Just wanted to let you know that in the beginning– Nursing is HARD!! Good job to you for making it this far! Take one day at a time! You are doing a WONDERFUL! job!!!!

  3. Really, what do people who have a “natural” childbirth have to brag about? If it ended up all-natural, it must have been a cinch, right? (Heh, heh.)
    But you — you came back from a war, dammit, battle-scarred yet victorious!
    Re: nursing bras — I put it off too, but wished I hadn’t — my boobs felt much happier once I reined them in a bit. (Well, not happy, but less outraged.) You can even send someone else (the helpful Deanpence, maybe?) out to get one of the super-stretchy “sleep” nursing bras for you.
    One day at a time — is there a 12-step program for nursing? (And don’t say LLL!)

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