Posted by: emjb | November 20, 2005

And moving on, slowly

I see there are a lot of comments on my last post; I’m sorry I haven’t responded to them yet. It’s kind of hard to re-read all of that, and I have to sort of get myself in the right frame of mind. And the baby is doing his demanding thing in the meantime, so computer time always comes second to sleep.

I am feeling better, mentally and physically. I have a good support system, online here and with my family and friends. I take it slow, and the baby keeps me busy enough not to have a lot of time for self-pity. And I know lots of women have had the same or worse experiences than me. It helps if I think just a little bit ahead each day. My body will heal, and I am, deep down, a pretty tough old bird. I’ve been changed by what happened. I can’t pretend there was anything good about it except my baby. But I’ve survived it.

And I don’t want this post to be all about the birth, anyway.

Nathan is a funny little boy; he has the most serious expressions when he’s watching you, although for the first few days, he seemed to be a little hesitant to make direct eye contact, like he was suspicious of you. He’s just starting to do little grins in his sleep, along with a hundred other expressions that he’s practicing. When he gets frustrated, he snorts furiously, like a piglet. He doesn’t cry much unless he’s hungry. His skin looks darker than mine or Matt’s, but that may just be a newborn thing.

He is a devotee of the breast, though, formula-fed or not. Now that I’m catching up a bit and producing, he attacks me with gusto. I think it must taste better than Infamil that we have been using to supplement. Last night I had to take a break from breastfeeding, and I laid him down on the bed next to me. He didn’t fuss, but just furrowed his brow and stared directly at my breast, undoubtedly trying to control me with his mind. “You will give me the breast. You will give me the breast.”

Today he couldn’t seem to settle in his crib, so I put him next to me on the bed and we took a long, lovely nap together. It was only 2 hours or so, but I seem to drop directly into heavy sleep whenever I have the chance these days, so I felt surprisingly better. Though I could probably still sleep for a week if I got the chance.

He’s sleeping now, and I need to go eat again. Thanks to you all for your kindness and understanding. I’ll be back when I can.

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Responses

  1. Hee hee. The newborn Vulcan mind-meld.
    Sleep well.

  2. My Esther does the same thing with my breasts. Sometimes I feel that’s all the girls love me for. 😉

  3. I am so happy for you and Matt… Nathan is amazingly cute. You’ve been through a tremendous amount of bullshit in such a short period of time. Enjoy this time with your new baby boy… I’m thinking of you guys!


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