Posted by: emjb | November 5, 2005

My Zen is having a hard time

By “my Zen” I mean my ability to remain serene and calm. It’s having a hard time. It’s not that all my friends and family are super-eager to have me pop this baby out, either. I can’t blame them when I personally am ready to DO THIS ALREADY.

The problem is that I can’t get any sense of what’s happening. I can only have the doctor check me once a week or so. All the other symptoms I’ve been having are the vague kinds of things that could go on happening for another 2 weeks, easily. I could easily remain in this state until Induction Day, and goddammit, I don’t want to be induced, and worry about super fast super hard contractions from the Pitocin. I’m apprehensive enough about my ability to handle natural contractions, after all. Urgh.

I know induction is all in the name of Protecting the Baby, and also, Protecting my Midwife from Litigation, and I understand that, but I ain’t happy to have it looming over my head.

I do manage to distract myself periodically, but really, I’m just so damned tired that going much of anywhere or doing anything that requires a lot of energy isn’t happening. And just walking around is a pain because (squeamish male readers skip the next paragraph)

…since the baby’s so low down, he’s, how do you say, leaning on the exit door really heavily, and it hurts. Hurts in a place I don’t like hurting. All the muscles in that area are complaining every time I do any serious walking. And yet I need to keep doing some kind of walking if I don’t want my legs to completely turn to margarine. It’s getting old, people. OLD.

Anyway, gripe gripe. At least the weather is beautiful. There’s a huge tree I can see from our backyard that is slowly flushing from green to yellow to fiery orange, from the top down. It’s gorgeous. I have no idea what kind of tree it is, but I’d say it’s a good 80 feet tall. When I do go out, I see all the trees lining our street turning yellow or orange too. Soon they’ll start dropping their leaves, and then we’ll be waiting for the snow to come and make everything pretty again. No matter what, I know the baby will be here by the time that happens. And even if he’s induced, it’ll be a temporary annoyance; once he arrives, I won’t give a tinker’s damn about that. Or so I keep telling myself.



  1. I remember that pain. I used to get a pain when pregnant with my daughter in what I could only describe as my “pee cord” area. Felt like getting stabbed with knives.

    Luckily it all goes away with the birth!!

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