Posted by: emjb | October 11, 2005


Current size of belly: 48.5 inches

Number of maternity tops that have fit me in the boobs: 0. Apparently, all pregnant women should never get bigger than a C cup. Or we’re freaks.

Number of pairs of maternity jeans I have outgrown: 4. One would still fit, if it weren’t stupidly cut low in the waist. What am I supposed to hold it up with, the power of my mind? Or my nonexistent butt?

New moles I have noticed since becoming pregnant: 3

Pairs of shoes I can still wear: 2

Time it takes me to consume entire 18-count box of fruit juice popsicles: 1.5 days

Number of those popsicles I suspect are actually being eaten by Matt and Dean: about 3

Types of meals I have the energy to fix myself: 4. They include pasta and sauce, peanut butter sandwiches, cereal, and scrambled eggs. Everything else is either too time-consuming or makes me nauseous.

Length of time it take me to eat an entire half-pint of cookie dough ice cream: 45 minutes.

Number of breakfasts per day: 2. One before I leave the house, one at work.

Number of naps I will take on a day I don’t go to work: 2

Number of times I have tried to watch A Baby Story and ended up throwing my pillow at the TV in disgust because every single woman gets strapped down and hooked up to an epidural the minute she goes into labor: 6

Number of times I have contemplated cleaning up the house for the baby’s arrival and decided to take a nap instead: About 5

Number of actual hormonal, pregnancy-induced freakouts, complete with tears: 2. I think.

Minutes it takes watching something sentimental and sad for me to start crying: 3

Number of times I get up to pee during the night: about 4

Number of times I have hit my foot on the stupid floor fan in the living room while stumbling to the bathroom in the dark: 5, dammit.



  1. You crack me up! I’m lucky to have you a few weeks ahead of me.

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