Posted by: emjb | September 25, 2005

Brain gone! Brain gone!

Now that work has slowed down and not much is going on in my regular life (only a few things left to do for the baby), I find myself sort of lost. I can’t really concentrate on tasks. I leave sandwich fixings open on the counter as I wander away. There’s nothing right in front of me that I must do right this second, and instead of finding ways of being productive, I just sort of surf the internet and watch TV.

I can’t even read things that require deep thinking for long. Politics, history, feminism, or religion are out. Instead I read and re-read the birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and then go google more birth stories online. I’m pretty much as prepped for this test as I can be at this point (despite a few more childbirth classes to go) so I don’t feel any urgency. Just a sort of drifty restlessness. I have missed having a car so much these last few months, because I’m in just the right mood for long, pointless drives to nowhere, perhaps with the occasional stop for a Sonic cherry limeade (oh, man, that would taste so good!). I would go walking in our neighborhood, but there are always lots of people out on the sidewalks, and I just don’t want to be around people while I wander, if that makes any sense.

I don’t have the nesting instinct thing yet that pregnant women are supposed to have. I get little bursts of organizing zeal, and move a few things around, and then decide it’s time for another nap.

I guess this is all normal. I’m not used to having my brain check out on me on any regular basis, though; usually it’s the opposite problem, too many thoughts pouring out too fast for me to grab. Now it’s all slow and easy; thoughts just sort of amble into my head and mosey back out again. Or never show up at all. Maybe for my brain, pregnancy hormones resemble nothing so much as a nice deep bong hit. Though I have yet to start saying “It’s all good” or start wearing hemp ponchos.

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